It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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