My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
