He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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