It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize