How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
