I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
