a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
