and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
