Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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