Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bring money and cleavage
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
