Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
