i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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