I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
