So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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