I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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