you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
