It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
