I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
