I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize