Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
