I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
