well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
