I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
