you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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