we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize