I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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