Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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