In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize