toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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