I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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