i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
