based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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