He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
