i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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