We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
