Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
