I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
