It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
