I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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