Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
