I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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