this beer tastes like vomit already
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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