I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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