My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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