Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
