It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
