I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
