I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You are the jesus of drinking
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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