My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
nutella sex= disaster
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
