I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
