White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
