Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
